In The Coaching Habit, Michael Stanier writes that our brains are constantly scanning for 4 things: tribe, expectation, rank, and autonomy.
We want to know that we belong to the group of people that we're with. We're almost desperate to be part of the tribe.
We want to know where we fit within our tribe. Are we the top, the bottom or somewhere in-between?
Given our place, what is expected from us and what can we expect from others? This will help us understand the actions that we should or shouldn't take.
If three of the four things our brains are scanning for are about belonging to a group, the last is about how we break free of the group. Autonomy, the power to act without reference to a group, is seen in the West as what defines the individual. Yet, this is actually the last thing on our list and is defined, to a large part, by our place in tribe and our feeling of security about that place.
In other words, only when I know that I'm safe, respected and acting as expected in my group can I truly be myself.